The Bestest Way to Spend a Rainy Sunday

Yogi and a Movie: "The Jackie Robinson Story"

It's such a horrible movie that I just love it.

Whoever's Got The Pavano Voodoo Doll

Enough already!

I would say it's starting to get ridiculous, but we're way beyond that at this point.

"Hello? Columbus? Get me Hughes NOW!!"

You just knew this was coming sooner rather than later.

Is it Too Early for Me to Want Farnsworth Woodshedded?

I think not. Discuss

WTF is with this weather?

This is not the way that God intended the season to begin... Rather than sunburned noses from Gore's devasting suns rays, baseball parks across U.S.F'n A. have been getting regular analingus from Aeolus.
Cashman's Headwarmer demands warmer weather!

Was This A-Hole's RhoidBoy Moment?

Rodriguez hits grand slam to win it

While being ordered about in a Spring Cleaning frenzy I'm watching the game and saying, "oh, Jesus, Clemens is SO coming back." Then RhoidBoy jacks a three, and I'm saying, "Honey? THE LIVING ROOM IS MINE." Then comes the ninth; Cano gets on and my "Hazel" act ends. Jeter walks. I say out loud, "Oh shit, here goes A-Hole."

Wife--who had also left her cleaning behind--says "Abreu's up."

ME: "No, he'll get on. The Gods demand this comes down to A-Hole."

Abreu gets nailed on the knee and I'm all, "I told you! If he doesn't drive in at least one run he's gonna get crucified on the Easter edition back pages and there ain't enough shrinks in the city to pull him out of the boo-hole he gets buried in."

And he smacks it into the black seats. Not just over the wall; over the old wall.

Death Valley. Mantle & Reggie territory.

I cannot wait to see how the NY Posties and Daily News' crew deal with writing the headline.

I think this might be like RhoidBoy's ninth inning, in the rain slam; it might make people cut him some goddamn slack. Look, I don't like the guy, at all, as you all know. But jumping all over his shit this early doesn't do anyone good.

So maybe today gives him some breathing space... as long as he doesn't forget to "shut the fuck up and play!"

RhoidBoy rode that slam... maybe not back into everyone's heart (I still think he should be fucking indicted), but at least he showed he wasn't gonna whine; wasn't gonna cry to reporters, and realized "Do something!" is all we request if we're gonna pay the ridiculous money that finances your fat life.

I also liked that when A-Hole rounded third and was heading for home, the first two guys to greet him were Jorge and Jeter. The Old Guard. It diffused all the internecine bullshit.

Just win, baby!

Let the Bidding War Begin!

if this kid's for real, he's gonna be one of the richest bullpen guys in history:

The pitch was nothing remarkable: Pat Venditte, Creighton University’s temporarily right-handed pitcher, threw a fastball past a Northern Iowa batter for a called strike three. It was his next windup that evinced this young pitcher’s uniqueness and, perhaps, professional future.

As his teammates whipped the ball around the infield, Venditte smoothly, unthinkingly, removed his custom glove from his left hand and slipped it on his right. Moments later he leaned back, threw a strike left-handed to the next batter, and finished the side in order.

Throwing Batters Curves Before Throwing a Pitch

Switch those standings, BITCH!

Well, thanks to a dominating performance by Dice-K over the lowly Royales w/out cheese and an underwhelming performance by Andy "back spasm" Pettite over the equally lowly Tampa fishsticks, just like that, Beantown is back on top. Holy run on sentence, Batman! Hey Jeets, thanks for the GG caliber D!!
Picture courtesy of ESPN (all staff are Red Sux fans according to nyyfans.com- those guys rule!)

Where Be the RSN Contingent?

The Royals?

Schooled by the ROYALS?

If not for CHB acting like a tool, I'd be climbing all over Shill's performance yesterday right about now.

I thought the NY Post's Joel Sherman was the biggest douchebag sports writer; CHB proves that thought wrong.

Opening Day Highlight

BOB-EEE MUR-CER
clap, clap, clapclapclap

BOB-EEE MUR-CER
clap, clap, clapclapclap

Bobby returns to the booth

A No Doubter

As in the game was no longer in doubt - not with Mariano in the pen.

Still, what would we rather he do in that situation?

MVP

You all know who I'm talking about.

If there was any justice in the world, his hit in the sixth would be a fine start to an attempt to win a third MVP award.

Top 2004 Free Agent Returns

Pavano is back. His long layoff has had no effect on his level of performance; he has picked up just where he left off a season and half ago.

We can look forward to many more performances just like this one.

Let the Madness Begin

SAY HEY! IT'S OPENING DAY!


Anybody know where I can get FAA info? I want a heads-up on what WarPorn machines are going to be doing the National Anthem overflight.

Bad Choice of Simile, Cashie

Pavano has gone from Yankee pariah to Opening Day starter

"I wanted him here and he wanted to be here; he was Humpty Dumpty and we wanted to put him back together again," Cashman says. "In New York, the perception was that he was broken, but I didn't buy that. We were going to use all the king's horses and all the king's men to put him back together again and find a way to make this thing work."

One problem, Cashman: THEY COULDN'T DO IT!

I wonder how long this season it will take for me to go stark raving, full-tilt boogie insane?

What If

I know we don't like A-Rod at this site, but for practical purposes, what the f--- happens if he leaves town as a free agent? What do the Yankees do for right-handed power and a third baseman? They have no third base prospect ready for the majors or even in their top 10 prospects. Most of their top prospects are pitchers. Could a deal for Miguel Cabrera be in the cards?

Crystal Ball

Feel compelled to make my picks.

AL East - Yankees
AL Central - Twinkies (Matt Garza and Barf, excuse me, Boof Bonser step up)
AL West - Angels

NL East - Phillies (Mets don't have the pitching)
NL Central - sucks!
NL West - Dodgers

World Series - Yanks v. Dodgers, Yanks win, the-e-e-e-e-e Yankees win!

Waiting for the Other Shoe

I'm still waiting to hear that Carl Pavano has suffered a season-ending splinter injury in his right hand.

Further Proof God Hates Me Lately

First, he arranges it so Punkass will be the Opening Day pitcher. Now this...

Just days away from the most important game of his life, much-maligned Yankee pitcher Carl Pavano has been given the hook - by his gorgeous girlfriend.

PAVANO GAL PAL DROPS BOMBER

Allemand insisted she doesn't want to cause any headaches for Pavano. She'll still be in Las Vegas when the Yankees take the field in The Bronx against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays Monday.

"That's our personal life. I don't think it needs to be in the paper," she said. "I don't want this to distract him at all."

Riight. That's why your spilling to the fucking King of Page Six; to keep it off the radar!

About that A-Hole "Anti-Boo" Site

Is A-Hole Astroturfing a Plea for Web-based Yankee Fans Sympathy?

Dead Man Walking

If I'm Swindal, Costa Rica is lookin' mighty inviting...
Steinbrenner's daughter files divorce papers

"I'm the Boss. I continue to be the Boss," Steinbrenner said Wednesday in a statement issued by spokesman Howard Rubenstein. "I have no intention of retiring, and my family runs the Yankees with me."

Who's the new Boss?...


Steve, DBG is gonna tear you apart, spit out the pieces, and dance a jig on the remains.

There's only ONE way out of la familia Steinbrenner: pine box.

"Let me tell you something, son..."

My dad chimes in.

My grandpa was a Triple-A infielder back in the '30's so he knows of what he speaks.

Ok TC- Now be honest...

It was you that started the Anti-Boos Movement wasn't it....

CHB Is At It Again....

Curious as to why established sports writers are growing increasingly irrelevant as blogging flourishes? Meet Dan Shaughnessy, a.k.a. CHB (Curly-Haired Boyfriend)... intent on getting the last word in his little feud with Curt Schilling, his latest article not only manages to come across as extremely childish in his attempt to ridicule Schilling, but he also manages to insult thousands of internet users/commenters, steroetyping them as basement dwelling fanboys. So how are those Globe subscriptions doing anyway?

If This Be True, We Be Doomed

God Hates Me

Pavano likely to go Opening Day

the sniper rifle... who the fuck did I sell the sniper rifle to, in that moment of madness?

So Ugly I Want To Cry...

Imagine waking up to this mug every morning and smelling his dragon breath?
Nice Milwaukee eye, asshole.

Captain Obvious Arrives in Clearwater

Papelbon to return to Red Sox bullpen as closer

I could never figure out why they waited this long, or by whose logic putting Timlin in the spot and moving Papelbon into the starting rotation made any sense. As a rookie Papelbon was a monster coming out of the bullpen, and the injury worry reasoning was idiotic; put the kid on a strict, intensive offseason workout regime, dial it down but keep him on it during the season (and don't overwork him) and the problem's fixed.

Timlin wasn't gonna bring the fear to anyone trotting in from the bullpen looking to slam the door. The kid? Totally different story.

I wonder how long it will take before I loathe seeing Papelbon's face?

Cash to A-Hole: "Wanna Walk? There's the Door"

SI.com - Writers - Jon Heyman: Cashman says no extension planned for A-Rod

"He has a significant contract as it is," Cashman told SI.com. "So I don't anticipate any dialogue regarding an extension."

In other words, Cashman is leaving the ball in A-Rod's court. If Rodriguez wants to remain a Yankee and keep the $81 million and three years remaining on his contract, he can do that. But if he wants to forego that $81 million to seek even greater riches, that's his choice, too. He just won't be getting those extra riches in pinstripes -- at least not this winter.

NY Postie Kevin Kernan recounts a conversation he had with Cash about A-Hole yesterday that pretty much matches my own thinking:

Alex Rodriguez is as good as gone. I've been saying that since word first surfaced about his opt-out. The Yankees know what's going on and that's why when I mentioned to Brian Cashman yesterday that probably, the best way for the Yankees to look at this entire scenario is that A-Rod is essentially a free agent after the season, and like all free agents, he will try to have a great "walk year,'' - which is good for the 2007 Yankees, Cashman answered with one perfect word.

"Exactly," the GM said.

When A-Hole did his "soul-baring" bullshit concerning his strained relationship with Jeter, I rolled my eyes and hoped that he'd just STFU and GBTW. But then he went on the Mike and the Mad Dog show and tried claiming his Pinstripe future in Cash--and the fans'--hands, saying, "At some point either New York is going to say, 'I've had enough of this guy, get him the hell out of here,' and we have an option, or New York is going to say, 'Hey you know what, we won a world championship, you had a big year, you're a part of it, we want you back,'" Rodriguez said. "I also want to make sure that from the fans [and] management that I'm wanted here."

To which I naturally replied, "Go die in a fire."

So what will this mean for the coming season? Well, as Kernan predicted--and Cashman agreed with--look for A-Hole to go out and put up the gaudiest numbers he can possibly produce to up the price he'll get when opts out of his contract. If that occurs, at some point in late July/early August, Cashman will decide to bite the bullet and offer and extension, but not for more than the $27 mill per year due if A-Rod actually wanted to honor his contract and stay, which uber-agent Scott Boras will laugh at, considering how retarded the market price would be if A-Hole went fishing in the free agent lake.

Then, a Duracell (or at least "Nickels & Dimes") Downpour coming from the Stadium seats aimed at third base would become a distinct possibility, and even if the Yanks wound up winning the World Series, and A-Hole was named Series MVP, he'd still be history, because Cashman's made it clear he won't get involved in a bidding war. A-Hole would also be dead meat, a marked man with a bullseye superimposed on him from his head to his ass if he was stupid enough to ride in an open car during the Canyon of Heroes victory parade, because as Kernan noted at the end of his column, among Yankee fans A-Hole is a talented, self-centered asshole, who's never, ever, gonna get the love he seems to think he's due.

And Darth Boss George would have it written into his will that A-Hole could NOT wear a Yankee cap on his Cooperstown plaque.

You know? I coulda swore...

that you got rid of the fucking Hillbilly. Apparently not.

Maybe it's time for Puddin' and Pie to make the Kall to Koerce Klemens.

"Manny, Get Over Here Now!"

In a certified "Manny being Manny" moment, Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez is selling a gas grill on eBay. Ramirez will tack an extra $70 on to the winning bid for shipping cost.

And he'll throw in an autographed ball!

Verducci Hates the Yankees!!!

Here is the newest article summarizing why the Yankees will not win the World Series.... somewhere, right now, there is a NYYFAN.COMer screaming his typing fingers hoarse about the YankeesBias (probably trademarked by now...) Excuse me while I go puke.

Stirring the Pot

DAMON'S TAKE: WE'RE THE BEST

I liked this bit:

When you spend time around these Yankees, you realize they have loosened up from years past and most of that is due to Damon and Giambi establishing their personalities in the clubhouse. In turn, that has helped bring out more of Jeter's personality.

"Now he's got two idiots to take the pressure off of him," is the way Giambi put it.

Yes, I'm That Guy

Hmmm, all the parade's are over... turn on the...YES Network!... Game Four, 1998 World Series....

A Swig for Ricky Ledee. "Banged Around" Brown getting banged around! "I'm Too Dumb to be Allowed To Speak" McCarver claiming Bernie will "obviously" go free agent (like Darth Boss would ever allow it...) And who is this little bottle with "Glen" in its name laying naked before me?....

BRILLIANT!

Bowie Bows Out

Former MLB commissioner Bowie Kuhn dead at 80 - International Herald Tribune

"I want it to be remembered that I was commissioner during a time of tremendous growth in the popularity of the game," he said, "and that it was a time in which no one could question the integrity of the game."

He presided over the MLB when everything changed.

Die in a Fire, A-Hole... no, Really. Die In A Goddamned Fire

...BY NIGHT, FANNED ALEX WON'T 'RUN AWAY'

Six hours was all it took for Alex Rodriguez to backtrack like an All-Pro cornerback.

At about 4 o'clock yesterday Rodriguez strongly hinted this would be his final season in The Bronx. At 10 p.m,. A-Rod said he was simply overmatched by WFAN hosts, Mike Francesa and Chris Russo.

SHIT! We were ready to give you a pass this year.

So much for that idea.

Shows What I Know

This was my last post here. Well, I wasn't too far off on the lineup and I still think a transplanted Sheff would be a better choice at first than what the Yankees currently have. I was dead wrong on the rotation though and I have to say that I like the current rotation much better. I'd much rather have Pettitte than Zito and anyone than The Unit. And, TC hatred for him notwithstanding, I look forward to the day that the other forty-something future hall of fame pitcher signs his part year deal and takes Bob's number. He should be peaking just around the time it really counts.

As for the manager. Let's just hope the starters can pitch enough innings to minimize the need for him to make strategical decisions.

BOW, You Ronin!

News: Major League Baseball News: "MATSUI? HUGE JAP"

I'm looking for the video, but the Boston Japs were ducking way lower than Godzilla when they were all doing the bowing crap at home plate.

"That's right, grasshoppers... I own you fuckers! WELCOME TO THE BRONX"

Oh, and since Igawa wasn't invited to the Shiatsu woop-de-doo... Scranton, Gaigin!

Signed, Pavano's mother

Get the women and children indoors! Too late...

"The reason I left, my girlfriend had a severe medical condition and I had to be with her," Pavano said.

Starring Joe Torre as Mister Kotter in Welcome Back, Pavano...

And I thought Carl Everett was a problem child.

Not Enough

Ok, it's hockey, not the Yankees, but the punishment handed out to the Islanders' Chris Simon is insufficient. Maximum time he'll serve if the Islanders go the limit in the playoffs is 43 games. Minimum is 25 games. For attempting to decapitate someone. He could have killed the guy with the way he swung the stick. Could have connected in the Adam's Apple, and that's all she wrote. Ban him for a minimum of one calendar year, with reinstatement conditional upon approval by the league. That's justice.

Full Tilt Asskissing Underway

New York Daily News - Yankees - Bob Raissman: On Clemens, a resounding YES

On Wednesday night, the Yankees Entertainment & Sports Network was scheduled to air an exhibition game between the Bombers and Reds. Instead, the network presented its tribute to Roger Clemens.

Just a coincidence...not!

March is the time for this sort of baseball fantasy. And who better to present it than the suits at Al Yankzeera? Schooled in the art of propaganda, they know just how to stoke the mental fires. In the course of six innings, Al Yank tantalized any Yankees fan panting to see Clemens back in pinstripes. They also produced a Rocket recruiting video the bozos in Boston and Houston never will duplicate.

It started even before Clemens' pal, Andy Pettitte, threw the first pitch. YES' camera was right on Joe Torre greeting Clemens. The manager was careful to also warmly welcome Koby. What better way to make a dad feel great than by treating his son like royalty?

St. Joe ain't St. Stupid, right?

From the NY Post:

It was there that Joe Torre, Derek Jeter, Ron Guidry, Reggie Jackson, Yogi Berra and Larry Bowa chatted with Clemens, who was on hand to see buddy Andy Pettitte pitch in last night's 1-1 tie with the Reds. Yet, Clemens' presence at the park created images of the Rocket's re-entry into the Yankees' universe.

After watching Pettitte work three innings, Clemens visited with George Steinbrenner in the Boss' suite in the home sixth.

"I was here and I wanted to say hello," said Clemens of the three-minute meeting that preceded him doing an inning on YES.

Asked what The Boss said to him, Clemens replied, "I will pass on that one."

Shit, I can reconstruct that conversation:
DBG: "How much, Roger?"
Clemens: "I'll tell you in about two months, Boss."
DBG: "And I'll give it to you, son. You can take that to the bank."
Clemens: "I fully intend to, sir."

RUMOR: HE WANTS $4 mill PER MONTH!

I'll take 50%

Hell, I'll even take the 40%.

Strikes to 10 of the first 12 and a 94mph heater? Yeah, I'm good with that.

Umm, Err, Does Cash Know About This?

Welcome to Philip Hughes' Official Website!

Someone Post Something or I'm Picking a Fight With Da Chief

boring, boring... "look! Pavano's ass asploded!"

and Mo wants a hundred billion.

and he's so ready for it.

Yipee! New (Old School) Blood

All We Need Now is that Long Island Chick

glance to the right side of the screen...

The Only Thing Good in Queens

Jackson Heights

swear to G, this ain't me. And I had nuthin' to do with it.

But I can't speak Spitalian, either.

and I don't know nuthing about that DEA crap...

except "Superserious Godhead."
That one, yeah... I'll bite the bullet; I made it up. Donutz says he wrote it, but most of it... I just shittied it from my lips.

I always admired "bi-cameral."

I'm SO gonna get shot when the sun comes up and we do the Paddy's Day Parade.

YouTube - Trace Adkins - Bugs Bunny - Swing Batter Swing

YouTube - Trace Adkins - Bugs Bunny - Swing Batter Swing

Teh Funny

really...

You Started This...

Michael Kay is the AntiChrist, AND I'M THE PERFECT DUMB BASTARD BECAUSE I'M WATCHING IT....

UPDATE: DAMON FIRST SWINGS A HOME RUN!

eleventy00!!11!!

find me El Jefe. He owes me a case of IPA.

UPDATE: I'm officially over the wire; I came home, turned on the TV, and immediately called up "Yogi and a Movie."

Perspective

Reggie, Goose and Graig made the Bronx Zoo wild:

"If you want to know what happens when teammates really can't stand each other, think of Nettles punching out Reggie after the 1981 American League Championship Series, or Gossage and Cliff Johnson in a violent clubhouse brawl in 1979 that left the Yankee closer with a torn ligament in his pitching hand, dooming the season.

Today's STFU Moment

Jesus Christ! Is Manny pulling a Gay-Rod or what?

MURRAY F'N CHASS!

Once again, old Murray manages to embarass the NYT sports section. He obviously hates "new age" baseball. He's got some real zingers for quotes... Ol' Cantankerous Murr.... time to take the old horse and buggy home, hang up the derby, churn some butter and call it a career.

ATTENTION, MY FELLOW MORONS!

We're boring ourselves to sleep. We need new blood here. I got (wait a second)...97 Gmail accounts to divvy out for people who want to sit at the bar and throw monkey poo at me and you.

Oh, and I'm working on turning the layout upside down and inside out... which means if you got a suggestion, bring the sucker up.

this is part of my starting point:


I'm losing all that "strike back" crap... hell, we're running a frickin' cliche already with "Darth Boss George."

BUT THIS WILL ALWAYS BE AN OUTPOST OF THE EVIL EMPIRE.
(at least until Henry gets crazier than that hundred mill he dumped on a question mark Jap.)

I Feel Safe That I'll Be Low Score Here

You Are 4% Massachusetts

You Yankees loving homo! You probably think Starbucks coffee tastes better than Dunkin Donuts.

How Massachusetts Are You?

I must, though, tell the ASSHOLE who wrote this script: Dunkin Donuts is the five boroughs, numbnuts, even if it was born in Quincy. That Starbucks shit was hoped for by a pack of HAA-vaahd Yard, Beacon Hill weenies. I've never--and will never--give them a frickin' nickel as long as there are dirty pushcarts shoveling dogs, pretzels, and cantakerous cups of joe.

UH-OH!!!

Abreu strained his oblique during his fall from the ugly tree... let the Nancy Drew comparisons begin!!

If He was a Horse, He'd Have Been Put Down by Now

THE KING OF PAIN By GEORGE KING - Yankees - New York Post Online Edition

February 26, 2007 -- TAMPA - The MRI tube at St. Joseph's Hospital should have Yankee pinstripes and the No. 45 painted on the side.

When the Yankees' medical staff told Carl Pavano yesterday he was headed to the hospital for an MRI and X-rays of his left foot, the oft-injured pitcher didn't need to ask directions.

Listen up, Punk: even if that hoof is broken, you wrap that sucker up and pitch, dammit! Or Moose may damn well kill you.

I Need to Find Me a Japanee!

I was reading this, Interpreters in Baseball Making Sure Nothing Is Lost in Translation - New York Times, and it dawned on me I need to find a Japanese guy (Wife wouldn't stand for a girl) equivalent for my buddy, Manny the Spic, to let me know when the interpreter is lieing through his teeth. Manuel usually ends up saying, "that's not what he said, asshole," when we'd watch guys interpret Spanish-only players' comments and such, then give the real translation. Most times the difference in translations would be minimal, but sometimes the interpreter would be delivering real whoppers in their attempt to clean up what some pissed-off player was really saying.

I mean, I'd seee the look on Matsui's face when he'd answer some question, and after hearing the interpreter's English answer--always eith far longer or outrageously shorter than the gibberish Matsui had spit, be sitting there thinking, "I know that ain't right."

Shocker! Yank Beat Writers Hacks Write About Baseball

And they are all drooling over young Master Hughes...
HUGHES DA MAN By GEORGE KING - New York Post:

The Yankees can't play the media card ever again concerning Philip Hughes. No longer is he a product of the hype machine. As of yesterday, every story concerning the right-hander will start with glowing observations from Jason Giambi and Todd Pratt.

The kid faced RhoidBoy, Matsui, Todd Pratt and Raul Chavez in a 34 pitch BP session. Only two balls were hit into fair territory.

Harper in the Daily News, on the reaction from people watching the kid's first session:

Even an old hand such as third base coach Larry Bowa sounded like a crazed fan after watching Hughes snap off a sharp-breaking curveball that froze Todd Pratt at the plate.

"Did you see that hook?" Bowa screamed as he came jogging past a couple of reporters near the Yankee dugout. "That was nasty."

Newsday's hack featured this from the Giambalco: "he's just got filthy stuff," who went on to liken Master Philip to "a young Rocket" who should have been called up last year.

So even though everyone with the Yanks' braintrust is adamant that Hughes will not be coming north when the Yanks break camp (a decision Jorge Posada seems to think should be an absolute no-brainer; that the kid is ready to rumble with the big boys right now), how long will it take the beat writers to start banging their pots and pans and demand that Philip breaks camp and heads for the Bronx instead of AAA ball?

I'd say the howling will begin after the first exhibition game that Igawa or Punkass Pavone get whacked around.

Stop. Stop. STOP!

This is getting ridiculous (all emphasis mine)
New York Daily News - John Harper: Score it an error on Derek for big chill:

Only now, finally, Jeter finds himself in a situation where something other than performance does matter. He repeatedly avoided questions yesterday by saying his relationship with A-Rod had no relevance to the Yankees trying to win a championship, and here is where he was dead wrong.

Of course it matters because it matters to A-Rod, or at least it did for the last three seasons, when A-Rod desperately wanted to restore his old friendship with Jeter, to the point where it may have messed with his head.

The good news for Yankee fans is that A-Rod finally felt secure enough to go public about his diminished friendship with Jeter. Perhaps that will translate to a more comfortable A-Rod this season, one who will be less concerned with trying to please the world and more likely to relax and hit when it counts.

Still, A-Rod's characterization of his relationship with Jeter demanded some type of explanation from the captain. But he wasn't budging yesterday, stonewalling questions about what happened to their friendship, particularly when he was asked about the infamous Esquire Magazine article from 2001.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOU FLIPPING MICK MIND, HARPER? If I walk up to you, spit in your face and call you a POS, you're NOT gonna tell me to "go screw" for the rest of my natural born life?

When did Oprah steal your balls?

Whatever the reason, people who know him [Jeter] say that when he believes a trust has been broken, nothing can repair the damage.

Damn right. I had a cousin who years ago dissed me over an invitation to his wedding. He invited me, but NOT the girl I'd been living with for three years (and the "out of wedlock" crap wasn't even his excuse; it's was "no seats" with a 300 plus guest list). Everyone told me "let it go." I said "No, he's fucking dead to me." Wouldn't talk to the little fuck for years--and today barely can manage a "hello", but never made an issue of it; I just ignored him, as I also ignored every little NOODGE who tried to play "peacemaker."

FUCK THAT. HE SAYS "I WAS A DICK" AND IT ENDS. That's all A-Hole needs to do, too.

You ALL Better Just STFU

Jeter: I Support A-Hole

TAMPA, Fla. -- Derek Jeter said Tuesday that his cooled friendship with Alex Rodriguez is an unimportant topic, one day after the third baseman admitted that the teammates are no longer as close as they once were.

"It doesn't surprise me," Jeter said Tuesday. "I don't see the relevance of it. We support each other and we're pulling for each other. That's all that matters. The relationship has no bearing on us playing baseball."

translation: "hey, the dude's my bitch and he damn well knows it. He should shut his pie hole and MAKE ME A SAMMICH!"

What is this? An episode of Will & Grace?

As if the two were ever best buds. What the Hell was Gay-Rod thinking when he decided it was "important to publicly confirm what others have said since he joined the team?"

I'll tell ya' why. It's because EVERYONE hates you. It's because you go to FIVE shrinks. It's because you CHOKE. It's because you have to look up TEAMMATE in the dictionary.

It's the curse of Gay-Rod. I've been saying it since he left Seattle. Thank GOD ALMIGHTY we didn't get him.

Boo Frickin' Hoo

this guy is a fucking idiot (this time, I'm not talking about The Lip)New York Daily News - Sports - Mike Lupica: Heater gone, so only thing left is hot air:

"Randy Johnson suggested yesterday that somehow he was used as a floor mat during his time with the Yankees. He was not, unless you count the way he got hit by the Angels and Tigers in the playoffs.

Johnson was judged here the way everybody is, on results. This is still a results place and Yankee Stadium is still a home office for that, the way it is the home office for tradition and World Series titles and the biggest money and all the rest of it. If Johnson had delivered the way he was supposed to, and that means winning the most important games he pitched for the Yankees, it would not seem so important to him that some of the people criticizing him didn't get to know what a swell guy he really is."

Right. We remember the dumbfuck's intro to Fun City.

You had one purpose: win playoff games.

Go die in a fire.

He's One Second's from TRIGGER FLEX AWAY FROM GETTING HIS ASS Fucking Shot

ROCKET: 80-20 I'LL RETIRE By GEORGE KING - Yankees - New York Post Online Edition:"

Clemens yesterday told Houston television station KRIV there is an 80 percent chance he is going to end his Hall of Fame career by retiring."

Oh, excuse me... where have I heard that bullshit before? You come back, yeah, come right back to town....

THERE'S A FIRE AWAITING.

Future Boss

Looks like the mini-Boss took one look at the potential of the BoSox rotation and decided to hit the bottle. What a disgrace!!!! I'm just kidding, I don't judge... Can't say that I blame him though!

Nice Sentiment; Wrong Player

Yankees to honor Cory Lidle - Yahoo! News

TAMPA, Fla. - The
New York Yankees will honor the memory of Cory Lidle by wearing black arm bands on the left sleeves of their uniforms this season.

Sorry, but flying your frickin' plane into the side of a tall building perched on the East River is not, in my eyes, something worthy of being memorialized... especially when the player wasn't exactly what you would call a "go to" guy--or even recognized on a sidewalk by anyone other than the most rabid of Yankee fans.

But if they are going to do this, they damn well better put Hank Bauer's number on that sleeve, too.

Swing, BATTER BATTER!

Let the Madness Begin!

Our Lion in Winter...
TALK TO THE DARTH BOSS HAND!

TAMPA - You knew there would be fallout from George Steinbrenner's near-firing of Joe Torre last October. You just didn't know how much. But Day 1 for Yankees 2007 left no doubt: The circus is in town.

Pitchers and catchers don't take the field for another day, but with Legends Field open for business yesterday, the frenzy was such that an army of reporters, photographers and cameramen not only chased after George Steinbrenner, but earlier chased after George's driver/security man . . . the thinking being that he would lead us to The Boss.

To see and hear George these days is to know how silly this exercise has become. Whether because of age or health issues, he does not pause to answer questions, but merely barks out brief responses while moving, always moving, toward the cover of some area that is off-limits to the press.

Yet we hound him, forever trying to bring back the old George.

New York Daily News - John Harper: Torre's 'A' to 'Z' starts, ends at A-Rod A-Hole
there; fixed that for you...

And here, campers, might be the flat-out dumbest shit imaginable, courtesy of the NY Post's resident tool, blathering about Torre's future:

If Steinbrenner, who has stepped back but will make the call on Torre's pinstriped future, doesn't bring him back, the Boss runs the risk of Torre landing in the Red Sox's dugout. Should the Bosox not make the postseason for the second straight season, Terry Francona could pay the price.

as the FARKers say: O RLY? I cannot for a moment imagine Uncle Joe would trade in all the NYC love he's earned by signing on with the Feckless Fenway Fuckwits™... at least not while Jeter's still wearing Pinstripes. Besides that, I think if they hired Torre, RSN would have a collective heart attack.

When LiteBrites ATTACK

Save Boston!

note: don't click nuthin... the program seems to go bonkers and just shout all the sound clips in an "going downhill" snowball

when I heard " Bucky Effin Dent" I knew this was a keeper.

There's room for one more in the barbershop quartet

Never expected this out of Mo. Always thought of him as a class guy, nice suits and all.

But after that interview it sounds like he's warming up his voice box al a Pedro and Schilling.

Who's next to cry? Hold on...it's the Mutt's #1 pitcher in 2008! Minaya must be absolutely drooling at the possibilities.

What would happen to the Mick and Double-X today?

Bill Clinton can skull-fuck fat broads on the seal but this is causing consternation?

As TC is wont to say, "Asshats"

10 Burning Questions?

The only things worth mentioning in this article are:

1. Really don't give a shit. Honestly. His yearly fucking 'will he or won't he' drama is getting too National Enquirer for me. Listen up, FuKKK-head. Make a decision - NOW - or quit giving interviews to everyone and their teenage daughter journal-keepers.

3. Somewhat justifiable perception? Gay-Rod folds under pressure like a cheap lawn chair. And, much like Will Smith, he's scared of and cries at curse words.

GAME ON!

WELCOME BACK, RED SOX NATION!

I've unfurled my Yankeee flag and hung it above my door...

and all you bottom-feeding Mutt fuckers? DEATH IN SPADES!



a friend asked me," isn't that supposed to be a Yankee thing, that website? So why those two Boston guys you're always seemingly duking it out with... what's up with that?"

ME: Well, douchebags like you won't sign up, so shut the fuck up.

AT LEAST THEY COME OUT TO PLAY.

Are the leaves budding?

Why do I ask? Because it's TRUCK DAY!

However, this day is more important. Why? Because it's the day I nearly resigned from the military and swore I'd NEVER vote for a Democrat again.

With 24 (or so) Hours to Go...

I'm facing a problem: What do you call an apprentice Sith?

Son-in-Law Steve Swindal, who seems to now be more in charge and involved than Darth Boss George (except for DBG's occasional eruptions), obviously cannot be granted "Darth" status; until he shows himself worthy of the title, it will not be bestowed, dammit!

So what do I call the anointed heir?

UPDATE: I've had it all wrong, it seems. Boss George should have never had been tagged "Darth" in the first place. Instead, it should have been "Lord," and Cash should have been "darth-ified."

I think; I'm far too un-grocked to this whole "Star Wars Universe" shit to really understand the damn flow chart controlling these kinda things.

Bite Me More!

Got Melk?

Bummer Day in Da Bronx

Farewell to Yankee great

Hank Bauer, the rough-hewn, much-decorated ex-Marine who went on to become an integral player on seven Yankee championship teams from 1949-59 and whose record of hitting in 17 consecutive World Series games still stands, died yesterday of lung cancer in Shawnee Mission, Kan. He was 84.

more here.

Also, what everyone watching could see coming:

One of the most revered Yankees of this generation acknowledged last night that it finally looks like "Bye-bye, Bernie."

Longtime outfielder Bernie Williams admitted that he is not inclined to take the Yankees up on their recent offer to head to spring training later this month on a minor-league contract, with no guarantee of making their Opening Day roster.

I can't stand the idea that Bernie--who is probably still better than a boatload of players littered around various MLB rosters--won't be coming back. If it was my call, I DUMP A PITCHING SLOT to make room for him, if only out of the fealty he has shown to the Empire.

One Week to Pitchers and Catchers, Right?

BITE ME, CHIEF



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Oh? BTW

A-Hole's New York

AAAAGHH! I'm Doomed

WIFE traded e-mail addys and cell phone numbes with....

Wife came home, dumped her camera, and said, "You might be interested in this... (calls up this pic) I think you know this woman."

ME: "Suzy Q? Where did you take this picture?"
WIFE: "Company had a thing for women.. glass ceiling stuff. She was a scream. You would not believe the dirt that girl can tell."
ME: "Did you ask the obvious question?"
WIFE: "What, I'm stupid? She says Murcer is stable, but "keep praying," because it ain't over."

ME: "What else did she say?"
WIFE: "She's happy a certain guy is going back to Arizona."

A-Hole Intent on TC Switching to "Gay-Rod" Whenever the Asshole's Name is in Play

He's written a novella for knee-biters:

'Out of the Ballpark' follows a boy - appropriately named Alex - whose baseball team is playing in the playoffs. Alex, who is a second baseman, makes a key error in the game and begins to put extra pressure on himself. Only his play gets worse. Sound familiar?

The stuff of nightmares and homicidal fantasies, actually;

Alex's team, the Caribes, overcomes his play to reach the championship game. Alex works harder, waking up before sunrise to practice, throwing a ball against his bedroom wall 500 times a day. Without giving away the ending, let's just say that the Yankees should hope that life imitates art come October.

Projecting much, A-Hole? It's no wonder you wrote for an audience in that age bracket, since anyone older than say, ten--and aware of the author's real life existence--would be cracking up laughing at the idea of "Alex" saving the day.

Tough Choice

But I've gotta go with Pudge just for the epic brawls with TC's favorite. Though he's my favorite current Dirt Dog, Tek's beating up on Gay-Rod doesn't equate the same machismo as a Fisk-Munson title bout.

For What It's Worth...

Goose belongs in the Hall of Fame.
Sparky belongs in Monument Park.

So, one more year, huh?

Quit pulling the Petey and just shut up.

It’s no secret that Pedro and Schilling were not the best of friends, and it’s no secret that Pedro was wounded that Schilling overtook him as the Sox’s best pitcher. It turns out the two pitchers might not be that different after all. Negotiating in the media? Check. Playing on fans’ emotions and Boston’s tendency towards soap operas? Check. Needing the attention focused on himself? Check.

Who's laying odds that Omar Minaya will be on the horn to Bledsoe's old house come the end of the season?

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

That's the link from Fox Sports' MLB site . Should be linked "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Love Mussina's quote: Pavano "needs to earn the trust from the players, the coaches, the manager and the organization."

No, fuck-tard. The $40M pinhead needs to pitch.

Alright, who's the tool at the AP?

Alright, maybe there are a number of idiots but who is the pud-knocker who wrote this?

Does he really think our rivalry could get any more frothing-mouth rabid? As if tossing some frickin' sushi into the equation is going to get things boiling over.

As TC says, "Asshat"

My Loathing Of this SOB Has Reached Epic Proportion

New York Daily News - Sports - Clemens: Return hinges on playoffs

"You put your body through a lot of punishment and then you come up one game short like (Houston) did last year; for me, it was waste of time," Clemens said. "If you don't have an opportunity to go to the playoffs and have a chance to win, it's a waste of time for me."

Hey, douchebag? Did you ever think that maybe if you had played the entire fucking season they would NOT have finished one game short?

Asshat.

It's Official: DBG Just Bought China

The LoHud Yankees Blog » Yankees reach agreement with Chinese


"Japan?" check!
"Taiwan?" check!
"All those other yeller fellers?"
CHECK!

The New York Yankees and the Chinese Baseball Association held a press conference today in Beijing, China to announce a landmark Memorandum of Understanding that for the first time formalizes a strategic alliance between a Major League Baseball Club and the Chinese Baseball Association.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's eggrolls now we roll

Bobby is a Frackin' GOD

New York Daily News - Yankees - Murcer full of cheer:

"'I'm feeling great. Everything is going along fine with no repercussions or setbacks,' Murcer said. 'It was great having Andy come over, although I'm sure one of the reasons was because Roger is out of town and he didn't have anybody to work out with.'"

Sometimes Lupica is the Dumbest Fuck on the Planet

New York Daily News - Mike Lupica - Mike Lupica's Shooting From The Lip: Joe, Alex on hot seat:

"It is interesting how these things work out sometimes. Joe Torre's fate and A-Rod's fate are suddenly intertwined. "

Yeah, right, Mikey. Uncle Joe walks away with his number already retired, and his place in Pinstripe history assured. A-Hole, even if he has a monster season, and the Yanks go on to a World Series victory, is still fucking A-Hole; unworthy to be Jeter's goddamn caddy.

He Deserves to Go Out on HIS Terms

New York Daily News - Bernie torn on future

He was a major cog in the Machine Team. Someone go wake Darth Boss up and tell him, simply, "no one is allowed to wear Bernie's number anymore. Period. Like Paulie's "21."

YOU LET HIM RETIRE IN PINSTRIPES. AND YOU GIVE HIM A FUCKING DAY, LIKE YOU GAVE THAT DOUCHEBAG CLEMENS, OR AS GOD IS MY WITNESS....

You pissed me to fuckin' heaven's gate they way you--the org--treated Tino when he was leaving. Do it again, especially since Bernie is borne and bred, and I will personally pay for a "Bomb the Bombers" campaign that will make the frackin jihadis look like pikers.... And I'm curently only thinking of killing you in the press.

Don't be dicks about this. Give Bernie his due. Or you will fucking rue.

DBG would make Milton Friedman smile

The new Skankee stadium project is being funded properly in my opinion. DGB is putting up $800M of his own money to pay for it. NYC is putting up the rest ($200M) for parking and the park around the stadium. In 1996 NYC was raking in $7.7M per year just off the Skanks. That figure has to be doubled by now (don't have the latest numbers). Figuring an increase in revenues once the stadium is opened NYC will be in the black by 2019 and from then on around 80% of the revenue will be a net gain (20% for repairs).

On the other hand, the stadium being built near me is going to be a HUGE cost overrun. It's being built in the worst part of the city with nearly ALL funding coming from the taxpayers. I can't believe I'm saying this: I agree with Ralph Nader

The only place gummint should be involved in ANY type of sports is in giving tax breaks to the team. Here's a 2003 breakdown of the stadium deals and how much 'public' money was put into them.

HA! Break the Katchup Money Out

He'll take Kerry out: Hot Air: Red Sox pitcher to run against Kerry?

Yankees Decide to Get Some Takeout

ESPN.com - MLB - Yankees seek working agreement with China baseball:

A contingent of executives from the New York Yankees will fly to China next week with the hope of concluding ongoing negotiations on a working agreement with the China Baseball Association. This could lead to the Yankees dispatching coaches and trainers to work with players in China, and perhaps, in years to come, beginning a baseball academy.

According to a major league executive who has been briefed on the organization's intentions, the Yankees -- operating in consultation with Major League Baseball -- have been in negotiations for seven months on this deal. The Yankees' goal is to get their brand into the world's most populated nation, and put themselves in position, down the road, to scout talent, while working with members of the CBA to improve the state of baseball in China.

As the article notes, this doesn't mean any other team is blocked from pursuing the same kind of deal, but let's be serious; those mad BossBucks can put a Yankee cap on so many Chinese heads that "Yankees" and "baseball" will be friggin' synonyms.

Reason # 7,329 Why New Yorkers are Despicable

In the absence of baseball games, what better way is there to keep "the rivalry" alive than to needlessly shit on New Yorkers in general?! So, I present Exhibit A for the official Complaint: evidence of a "holier than thou" New York persona. The Attitude. Look at this tool... he undoubtedly possesses The Attitude. You know what the NYC Attitude is.... My favorite quote is, "Why is a British man telling me what an American Idol is? I'm not shy -- I'm from The Bronx."

Yes, Ian, you are indeed... you are indeed.

No Longer the "Whipping Boy"

Cashman glad he's not Boss' puppet anymore

The Yankees have gone six seasons without winning the World Series, a baseball eternity for a team of their stature. But Kevin Towers cannot remember a time when Brian Cashman has been happier.

'He had gotten to a point where he was beyond frustrated,' said Towers, the general manager of the San Diego Padres and one of Cashman's closest friends in the game. 'He was taking the heat, but it was for things that were beyond his control.

'But when I talk to him now, he's a different man. Brian is doing what he wants to do, and I have to say, it's not good for the rest of us.'

They ain't reported yet....but

Compare and contrast Skanks and Sox lineups as of today...

Starting pitching: Sox
Relief pitching: Sox
Closer: Skanks
Infield offense: Skanks
Outfield offense: Skanks
Infield defense: Sox (just)
Outfield defense: Skanks

I fully expect DBG to make his whipping boy get some pitching before the start of the season. Who knows who'll be starting in right for the Sox. Me? I'd love to start Hinske in right, Willy Mo in center and Just Drop Drew.

Winter Doldrums

The middle of January is a cold and depressing time in which anxious baseball fans wait for that fateful day when pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Men tend to gain a few pounds due to laziness and excessive drinking (a few dozen nightly Sam Adams are normal, right?)However, while most New Yorkers are stuck spraying Raid along the baseboards or overeating on capicola, Bostonians once again finding themselves gearing up for the annual Superbowl run. To tell you the truth, it's difficult to get any work done with the success of Boston sports. While New Yorkers are able to get to those pesky chores on Sunday, I am stuck sitting on my couch sluggin down beer after beer. It's like a job sometimes....



On a side note, Trot Nixon's tenure in Beantown is officially over as he has signed with the Indians. Farewell my dirty sloth looking friend. You will be missed!

King Rhoid: "Muscles McGuire Belongs!"

BostonHerald.com - MLB Coverage: Bonds backs McGwire, Rose for Hall

Er, maybe it's just my in-ter-per-a-ta-tion, but I believe Pete Rose would spike your juice-riddened body until, like a grape, you popped.

Remember Death Valley?

Look behind "Folly Floater"'s shoulder. 463 feet! I still remember seeeing Bobby Murcer run full speed into one dogging after a fly ball, then bouncing off it and throwing the guy out at third.
I miss Monument Alley. Losing it was the one thing about the Stadium renovation I thought royally sucked.

Who Wants to Post Here?

The Darth Boss George Brigade, at least TC, is getting fucking tired carrying all the weight.

The doors are open. If you can prove you ain't crazier than me--and I enjoy the idea of that Rube Goldberg--you get posting priveleges....

Except for El Jefe. I already know he's fucked in the nut. He's already ready welcome.

Donny! Paulie!

and that Ripkin fella....
2007 BBWAA Hall of Fame Ballot Released